Lifestyle

KNOW someone who thinks spring is here because they’ve seen one snowdrop? They’re probably excited about all this nonsense too:

COLLECTING useless tat in the delusion that it will be worth a fortune one day? You’d have been better investing in a nightly takeaway than this crap.

A WOMAN who recently became pregnant is the first woman ever to have experienced the magic of conception, friends have confirmed.

YOU used to have enough energy to get out of bed without giving a weird grunt. Here are some other involuntary noises you make when you reach middle age.

FANCY being a professional Northerner to get attention and respect? There’s a strict Northern code of conduct you must adhere to. See if you can pass our test.

I WAS fed up of the rat race, the dreary commute, living in the armpits of sweaty businessmen on the 7.15 train, the tired cliche of unfriendly strangers rushing by without time to say ‘Hello’.

INFLATION got you worried? Bills rocketing? Can’t pay rent? Not me, because I’m a tight bastard. Let me show you how to cut costs to zero.

AN astrologer of 30 years’ standing has begun to wonder if the horoscopes she provides are actually accurate in any way.

A WOMAN who ran herself a luxurious bubble bath to relax in got out after eight minutes because she was utterly bored.

GOT a camera on your doorbell that you claim is for security reasons? Here’s what you really use it for.