Food

‘NO, no, I’ll pay,’ you say, not meaning a word of it, but afraid to push it too far. These techniques will make it seem you desperately wanted to cover it but were cruelly thwarted.

EASTER is here, and with it the opportunity to purchase a large chocolate egg, hide from everyone you know and eat the whole thing. But which egg?

THE Vatican has promised that its new range of vegan communion wafers still taste exactly like the flesh and blood of Jesus.

UNFORTUNATELY late-night food outlets can sometimes offer a fight with your doner. Here we rank the best and worst eateries for avoiding aggro, or, if you’re differently inclined, kicking off.

A MAN who caught himself singing ‘Domino-hoo-hoo’ while considering ordering a pizza is wondering if he can bear to exist in this hellish world.

SHOPPERS are fighting outside supermarkets for the chance to buy Dubai chocolate, the twats. Were these items ever worth queuing for or mere compensation for empty lives?

EXTRA-terrestrials are consolidating their appeal to viewers of lowest common denominator television with an unexplained phenomenon shaped like a cheap crisp.

THE pub chain’s decision to scrap Steak Club means the country has no future other than decline and depopulation.