The UK has once again been shaken to its foundations by the discovery that just because a mince pie is expensive does not mean it is the nicest tasting.
Mince pie buyer Donna Sheridan has been bedridden since tasting an Aldi mince pie and a Waitrose mince pie in sequence and finding the former preferable.
She said: “But they were two pounds cheaper. It makes no sense. My entire understanding of the world has been turned on its head.
“I thought it was illegal for brands to be more expensive unless they could prove that their food was categorically better. Now I discover it’s a Wild West where anyone can charge whatever the f**k they want, regardless of quality. Where’s the police in all this?”
Consumer expert Helen Archer said: “There’s a cost-of-living crisis on. Many families scrimp and save the whole year to buy a box of M&S mince pies, assuming they’ll be the most impressive.
“The collective trauma of finding out they could have done better at a budget German supermarket is causing severe strain on the NHS. And that’s without factoring in the cost of Asda doing a decent Christmas pudding.
“I’d urge any newspaper that puts together a comparison article to consider not just the cost of the pastries, but the cost to the country’s fragile sanity.”
