Food

YOU know those massive methane farts cows stand around pumping out all day, destroying the ozone layer? They'll soon stop once they're dead and under the grill. You won't see that in our woke vegan media.

A RADICAL non-conformist has asserted that she, and not the arbitrary weight proscribed by a packet, decides when she has had enough crisps.

A WOMAN on a first date is maintaining a pretence that eating an entire pizza is far too much for a delicate girl like her.

SOME foods are worth the 15p price difference which separates the delicious from the inedible. Here are the ones whose cheapo version can never match up.

AN English newcomer to Burns Night believed it was some sort of eating contest for offal and mushy vegetables, not an annual celebration of a national hero.

THE perfect cup of tea is only achieved by a gentleman ejaculating into it, an American scientist has claimed.

A NEW study of veganism has discovered that adherents of plant-based diets do not discuss them when restricted to only other vegans for company.

A PLATE of triangular crisps covered in cheese and jalapenos does not constitute a full and satisfying meal, it has been confirmed.

A MUM was furious to learn her kids preferred the unhealthy concoctions her husband came up with to her lovingly prepared meals when she was away for two days.