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Woman rejecting dessert on first date all over it on third

A WOMAN keen not to appear greedy on a first date does not give a shit about inhaling a massive pudding by the third, she has confirmed.

Sophie Rodriguez was the epitome of control on her first two dates with Tom Logan, but the next time they met she felt comfortable enough to demolish a sticky toffee pudding in four messy mouthfuls.

Rodriguez said: “On a first date you have to be on your best behaviour and pretend you are a normal, pleasant human being who might be tolerable as a life partner.

“And then the second date should be devoted to cementing that impression, which is why I ate the chicken salad when my usual order would have been garlic bread, onion rings and both chunky chips and fries.

“However, we’ve reached the third date now, which means some level of investment is assured, so I felt able to let loose and stuff my face with both sticky toffee pudding and banoffee pie, followed by slurping the leftover caramel sauce straight from the jug.

“He looked a bit shocked, but didn’t get up and leave, so I think I’m on to a winner.”

She added: “So far I’ve held back on the booze. We’ll need to be at least three months deep before he sees that me.”

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Molly-Mae, Tommy Fury and five other couples with no discernible career

MOLLY-MAE and Tommy Fury have split to live separate lives earning high incomes for seemingly nothing. What these couples do all day is similarly opaque:

Tayah Victoria and Adam Aveling

Met on Married At First Sight, or MAFS as its audience calls it which is also what they call ‘maths’. After marrying on the show in a wedding all involved know is bullshit, they made the ultimate sacrifice, continued their relationship and got married for real. Because if you don’t marry, you can’t monetise the subsequent split anywhere near as effectively.

Lucy Mecklenburgh and Ryan Thomas

She started off in TOWIE, the reality television car crash which spilled so many desperate, attention-needy victims across London. He was drafted into Coronation Street as a mere boy and served sixteen tours of duty but has now retired from acting. There are news stories about their family photographs and lunch trips. Somehow this makes money.

Spencer Matthews and Vogue Williams

Began on Made In Chelsea, TOWIE with a trust fund, where he elected to play the villain because people remember those. Since their 2018 marriage their life has an endless round of continuing to be famous by appearing on shows that consider them famous. This vicious cycle shows no sign of ending.

Joe Swash and Stacey Solomon

It is 16 years since Swash was on EastEnders, and a mere 15 years since Solomon finished third on The X-Factor. A generation has passed but has not been enough to scour away their fame, which now largely revolves around them being married and her cleaning up. You are married and clean up, yet inexplicably are not famous.

Molly-Mae and Tommy Fury

He’s the brother of a man who hits people. She curates a fashion collection, a job broadly described as ‘looking at some pictures and saying yes’. They met on Love Island. By a form of alchemy which few understand, this made them wildly rich. They have now diversified their portfolios by separating.

Katy Perry and Orlando Bloom

They once had careers, certainly, and remain extremely good-looking. But her attempts to release pop singles – an area where she was not a decade hence the most successful in the world – have been greeted with naught but mockery, and he’s eschewed acting in favour of a show where he does things he would like to do. How? How does that work?

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