A MAN has checked that his appearance and personal hygiene are up to scratch before sending an unsolicited photo of his genitals to a woman, it has emerged.
Nervous that the picture of his poorly lit, flaccid penis will not be well received by a woman he has just started talking to on a dating app, Stephen Malley anxiously cleared his throat and checked his appearance before proceeding.
He said: “Approaching a woman is nerve-wracking, but I just need to remember that the worst thing she can do is say no. Or screenshot the photo of my knob and send it to my boss.
“Hopefully I’ll stand out from the crowd by hastily straightening myself out. All those other guys who’ve sent a dick pic her way will look like dishevelled creeps, whereas I’ll win her over with five-seconds worth of prep.”
Winking and firing finger guns at his reflection in the mirror as a final bit of encouragement, Malley added: “Go get ‘em, tiger. The bar is so low for men that a surprise picture of your penis surrounded by a mane of unruly pubes won’t even be that bad.”
Dick pic recipient Eleanor Shaw said: “At least he didn’t use a cheesy chat-up line. I think I can hear wedding bells.”
