Celebrity

SOME celebrities get right on the nation’s tits, and these have mercifully shut their gobs for a bit. But when will they be back?

WHEN I started out in comedy, hitting someone with a fish or pretending to be a camp gay man was the height of hilarity. Now people have stopped finding me funny and the only explanation can be ‘woke’.

CAPITOL riots, January 7th? Called it mate. I also predicted these events but decided to just let them happen.

A WOMAN who is a year younger than actor Timothée Chalamet still feels like a raging nonce for fancying him, she has admitted.

NOT all bears are created equal. Some are stone f**king cold dudes, and others are the unloved frontman for Children in Need.

TOO much of a ruddy bloke for ponces like Daniel Craig? Want to share a few silent moments of macho silence with a real man? MMA fan Roy Hobbs advises looking no further than these six.

RICHARD Madeley believes women’s bodies are fair game for his breakfast analysis, so biomedicial scientist Dr Eleanor Shaw is going over his physique.

PRINCE William has admitted wearing a polo shirt to his Earthshot awards to cover up his six new ill-advised neck tattoos.

An anonymous caller has reserved every table in Woking Pizza Express for a celebratory slap-up meal.

DAVE Grohl, the rocker your nan thinks is lovely, is the next celebrity to read the CBeebies bedtime story. But who should never, ever be allowed?