Celebrity

BREAK-UPS are always difficult, and upsetting things can be said. Celebrities like Chris Martin and Dakota Johnson are no different, so here are some of the comments they might have made.

DANNY Dyer expertly blended emotion, Cockney pride, West Ham fandom and liberal obscenities in his speech at his daughter’s wedding yesterday. Read it in full.

ELON Musk, at his final White House briefing alongside Trump this weekend, has been properly lamped one. The sad prick claimed his five-year-old did it. Who’s actually responsible?

THE handover of the Chagos Islands has been delayed at the eleventh hour after Kirstie Allsopp appeared dramatically in court, brandishing documents.

ENOUGH is enough, and according to Britain’s leading hive of hatemongers these unhappy couples should put off their splits no longer. Divorces by 5pm Friday.

TOM, we need to talk. Euphoria is not so complicated that you need to watch it a seventh time. Also there seem to be episodes you favour over others. You need to realise that Sydney Sweeney is, in fact, mid.

RIGHT-wingers are celebrating a victory which puts minor, piffling general election losses in the shade by condemning Gary Lineker to a lucrative retirement.