Celebrity

LUCKY and soon-to-be blissfully happy Elizabeth Barker has married Laurence Fox, but such a unique individual as her husband requires unique treatment. She should follow this marital advice:

HELLO there! I’m Oliver O’Connor, a Nottingham primary school teacher, and this is my girlfriend Lucy Parry. But people keep shouting a different name at her in the street.

ELIZABETH Hurley is sixty and still sexy. Are you standing up for Britain by still finding her immeasurably attractive, and if not why not?

HE will become Sir Becks when the King knights him, but why not allow Britain’s prettiest dead-ball specialist to fill the gap in the defensive wall left by Prince Harry’s departure?

BREAK-UPS are always difficult, and upsetting things can be said. Celebrities like Chris Martin and Dakota Johnson are no different, so here are some of the comments they might have made.

DANNY Dyer expertly blended emotion, Cockney pride, West Ham fandom and liberal obscenities in his speech at his daughter’s wedding yesterday. Read it in full.