Celebrity

FIRST minister Nicola Sturgeon has conceded defeat in the battle for Scottish hearts and minds and handed power to author JK Rowling.

IMAGINING someone else during sex is somehow ‘wrong’. But your partner can’t complain about these celebrity shags who reflect well on them.

PRINCE Harry lost his virginity to an older woman in a field behind a pub, but who was the lucky cougar who took the prize? We outline the runners and riders.

IT’S to be expected that rich, good-looking stars get more offers of sex than you. But some are just taking the piss with their non-stop shagging. Like these.

THE UK’s state has been officially assessed as so dire that Princess Kate’s outfits have been upgraded to their highest distraction level.

MIDDLE-AGED and concerned for your own mortality as guitar heroes and actors of your youth die off by the week? You’ll have the last laugh with these.

EVEN in 2023 Britain is dominated by privilege, and the world of celebrities is no different. Could you cast aside your egalitarian principles to shag these posh oppressors? Yes.

LIFE is full of mundane bollocks which could easily be avoided if you were a multi-platinum-selling rap artist. Here are just a few examples.

THE revelations from Prince Harry’s autobiography have encouraged the UK public to reflect on their own traumas and bury them down deep forever.

THE public are in awe of the bravery of the Princess of Wales, who has soldiered on despite her brother-in-law’s attacks by wearing a coat and waving.