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Celebrity

Still not too late to pick someone else, Royals told

THE public has advised the Royal family that with four days still to go until the Coronation they still have time to pick someone more suitable.

Seven celebrities young people won't believe used to be normal

BACK in the pre-Swiftian epoch these celebrities were unimaginably relatable, not that today’s Zoomers would believe it.

Is the Coronation today? Your eight-day guide

IS this the day the Coronation happens, or is it going to drag on even f**king longer?

William made deal with media that his wife would be the fairest of them all

THE Prince of Wales accepted a cash sum and assurances that his wife would always be ‘the fairest of them all’ in return for dropping legal action, it has emerged.

Six Z-list celebrities you occasionally think about and wonder what they're up to

LOW-TIER celebrities do not cease to exist when they vanish from our screens. Occasionally you wonder what these ones are up to.

Britain stares terrified at onrushing tsunami of Coronation bullshit

THE UK is standing petrified, transfixed by an onrushing tidal wave of Coronation bullshit which will soon drown us all.

Why being a married man's side piece can really pay off, by the Queen

CONSIDERING sleeping with a married man whose wife doesn’t understand him? Girlfriends warning you it won’t work out? Look who’s Queen now, bitches.

'When she saw me in lizard form she was horrified', broken-hearted Murdoch confesses

BROKEN-HEARTED bachelor Rupert Murdoch has been dumped. Here he talks us through how true love ended so soon.

The Daily Mail guide to the Z-list celebrity scum suing us

SO, a gaggle of micro-celebs like Prince Harry and Elton John have got the f**king nerve to sue us, the Daily Mail, have they? Let’s find out who these bitter nonentities are.

I spent nine hours wedged up Paltrow's fanny, says skier

A SKIER is suing Gwyneth Paltrow after a 2016 accident on the slopes left him trapped in her fanny for nine hours.