Celebrity

HER Majesty the Queen has ordered her subjects to drink in moderation this weekend in readiness for their four-day Platinum Jubilee session.

THE death of a beloved celebrity is always sad. Make things even worse by putting yourself at the centre of the story with these tips.

THE Queen has confirmed that, aged 96, she sees more point to watching a load of horses gallop in circles than going to parliament.

REBEKAH Vardy’s libel case against Coleen Rooney has begun. If you’re still not sure what the f**k it’s about, don’t worry - her husband Wayne is here to explain the legal intricacies.

QUEEN’S speech? I don’t think so. Step aside, mother, my time has finally come. The King is ready to take his throne.

HOUSE hunting? Sick of endless viewings and being outbid? The Duke and Duchess of Cambridge know exactly how you feel. Here they explain their woes.

JAMES Corden has been told he cannot return to the UK because the country is full, it has emerged.

THE Duke of York has confirmed that York is just a Northern shithole and they can stick their freedom up their collective arse.

WANT to spend an evening of Hollywood glamour with a middle-aged bloke smashed on red wine punching kitchen cabinets? Enter our competition!

IN times like these, when there’s not much happening to think or write about, you find your mind drifting to the little things in life. Such as the lavatory.