Celebrity

STAYING indoors to avoid a dangerous storm is an idea most people will agree with. Here are five tiresome contrarians who will go out of their way to be different.

THE Queen is absolutely brilliant in every way and has never done anything wrong, apart from the minor issue of raising her children.

NOW that Prince Andrew has settled in the Virginia Guiffre case, royalist sycophants have gone into strange contortions defending the Duke. So what feeble excuses have they come up with?

PEOPLE who have just settled a sexual assault case are not welcome at jubilee celebrations. This is how Prince Andrew will mark the occasion.

JUSTICE has prevailed and thanks to a very large sum of money I have been proven innocent. But it’s easy to forget the real victim in all this: me.

DIVORCE is a uniquely stressful and emotional time, so why not take lessons from a narcissistic multi-millionaire with a god complex?

PRINCE Charles has admitted he visited the Queen while he had Covid because he is tired of waiting to have her job.

YOUNG people can afford houses in areas that are cheap and undiscovered, as I plan to prove by building a three-bed family home for £120,000. Location? My anus.

THE Duchess of Cornwall has vowed to rule the United Kingdom and the Commonwealth with an iron fist when she becomes Queen, it has emerged.

WITH 90s ‘sex tape drama’ Pam & Tommy a hit on streaming services, which other tabloid fodder of the era is ripe for adaptation next? Definitely these momentous events: