AFTER a certain age, you’ve got to ask whether having an affair is worth the potential grief. These plucky middle-aged celebrity adulterers gave it a go anyway.
Andrew Buchan
Andrew Buchan, wife Amy Nuttall and new squeeze Leila Farzad aren’t exactly household names, so their upsetting love-rift mainly involved tabloid readers weighing up which of the two ladies is fittest. Still, it’s something to do in your coffee break, so thank you, Andrew Thingy, Layla Wotsit and The Red-Haired One.
Dominic West
Dominic fairly understandably had an affair with Downton Abbey hottie Lily James. Which was reported in so much detail you might as well have been having a threesome with them. After weeks, possibly centuries, of in-depth analysis an apparently genuinely remorseful West got back together with his wife, so a bit of a waste of everyone’s time, frankly.
Greg Wallace
Greg has notched up four marriages and various affairs and is inordinately pleased with himself about this. Sadly the public is only interested in a man who looks like a Doctor Who Sontaran pulling younger women at the level of a mildly interesting curio, like a That’s Life! carrot that appeared to have a penis and testicles.
Hugh Bonneville
Downton Abbey again. Is there something in the water coolers on set or is everyone just bored shitless like the viewers? Bonneville was long rumoured to have had a super-injunction which is best not messed with. It did him f**k all good though, because you can just Google it. Suffice to say, the liaison really is most unbefitting of the Earl of Grantham.
Danny Dyer
Try-hard geezer Dyer had a six-week fling with Sarah Harding of Girls Aloud, who didn’t know he was married. The only vaguely interesting thing about this affair is that like the vast majority of Danny’s films – The Business, Age of Heroes, Straightheads – it is entirely forgotten.
Rod Liddle
Purveyor of reactionary bollocks Liddle had an affair with a woman 21 years his junior, causing his journalist wife Rachel Royce to tell every publication in existence what a shit he was. Hopefully revenge was sweet, but where’s the justice for members of the public who inadvertently imagined Liddle having sex? It’d be like f**king an obese mop. Ew.
Jay-Z
Going out with Beyonce slightly defeats the point of an affair because in terms of attractiveness the only way is down. Maybe she’s really boring in real life, or won’t shut up about Ancient Aliens. Either way, Jay was found out, slapped around by his sister-in-law, undoubtedly got a terrifying bollocking from Beyonce herself, then did a grovelling interview with the New York Times in which he blamed his childhood. So not worth it.
