Celebrity

THE UK’s state has been officially assessed as so dire that Princess Kate’s outfits have been upgraded to their highest distraction level.

MIDDLE-AGED and concerned for your own mortality as guitar heroes and actors of your youth die off by the week? You’ll have the last laugh with these.

EVEN in 2023 Britain is dominated by privilege, and the world of celebrities is no different. Could you cast aside your egalitarian principles to shag these posh oppressors? Yes.

LIFE is full of mundane bollocks which could easily be avoided if you were a multi-platinum-selling rap artist. Here are just a few examples.

THE revelations from Prince Harry’s autobiography have encouraged the UK public to reflect on their own traumas and bury them down deep forever.

THE public are in awe of the bravery of the Princess of Wales, who has soldiered on despite her brother-in-law’s attacks by wearing a coat and waving.

CELEBRITY deaths are always a sad event, unless they’re one of these famous people you’re amazed haven't popped their clogs yet.

THE Taliban have confirmed they never suspected that the British Army was deliberately killing them until Prince Harry’s book Spare. 

THE UK has agreed that based on the outraged reporting so far, Prince Harry’s memoir Spare sounds like a real page-turner.

PRINCE William’s alleged assault against his little brother is the latest royal scandal to both rock and bore the nation. Here are the usual suspects who will blindly support the future king.