PRINCE William’s alleged assault against his little brother is the latest royal scandal to both rock and bore the nation. Here are the usual suspects who will blindly support the future king.
Daily Mail readers
Having been drip-fed a steady diet of anti-Harry and Meghan articles every day for years, Daily Mail readers will pounce on the alleged attack like rabid dogs. Their eyes will cloud over with red mist and froth will spew from their grinning maws as they read about the broken necklace and smashed dog bowl. This is their Christmas all over again.
Older brothers
Only older brothers can truly understand the frustration and rage that must have been pumping through Prince William’s hairless temples as he shoved Harry over. It was probably payback for some petty grievance from childhood. It wouldn’t be becoming once he becomes king though, so Wills did the right thing by duffing up Harry now.
Anyone who sat through both volumes of Harry & Meghan
The self-indulgent Netflix documentary has a runtime of nearly six hours, and it doesn’t have a single detail as salacious as the Notts Cott altercation. By contrast the headline ‘William attacked Harry’ takes seconds to scan and is way more exciting. If you’d listened to interviewees refer to Harry as ‘H’, you’d want to knock him down too.
Comment section users
Comment sections are home to the most vile and wretched human beings the internet has to offer, meaning they’re bound to leave misspelt replies backing Prince William. Civilised people on the other hand will merely read their deranged keyboard hammerings and let out a refined chuckle to themselves, before clicking over to xHamster to rub one out.
Kate Middleton
Kate’s not stupid. She knows which side her bread’s buttered. If occasional scandals involving her husband are what she has to endure in order to become Queen consort, then so be it. It’s a small price to pay. Plus she secretly likes it when William acts the hard man. It makes up for him looking a bit weird.
