Celebrity

I OFTEN think what would happen if one day I woke up and discovered I was a miniature plastic version of myself. Ridiculous, I know. There’s probably only a 15 or 20 per cent chance of it happening.

SHOULD you go out with someone who’s clearly on the rebound? Probably not, but if you can put up with hearing about their ex you’re definitely in a with a chance with these celebs…

KEVIN Spacey has warned Britain that if he is not given major movie or theatre roles within the next six months he will turn up in pantomime.

JOEY Barton is in trouble again for calling broadcaster Jeremy Vine a ‘big bike nonce’. But surely he deserves praise for highlighting threats we were completely unaware of? Like these.

PRINCE Harry should not take it personally that the King is unable to see him today. His cram-packed itinerary means he does not have a second to spare.

CHARLIE Dimmock, a gardener, is one of the many people Britain was briefly enamoured with for reasons that escape it now. Nobody is willing to admit to their passion for all these.

‘WELSH songbird’ Charlotte Church has announced she is no longer a millionaire. Clearly growing up was a poor career choice that should have been avoided, as she and these other celebs discovered.