Sport

SCHOOL sports lessons are to move away from more ‘physical’ activities to focus on darts and snooker.

LIFE on earth would be less violent if everyone just sat down and watched the snooker, it has emerged.

SUNDERLAND manager Gustavo Poyet has learned the meaning of numbers like 32, three and a half, and 80,000, one day too late.

CRISTIANO Ronaldo has pledged to take free-kicks with a solid gold ball.

LEEDS United full-back Stephen Warnock has been awarded the Ballon d'Or.

AMERICAN soccer club LA Galaxy is to create a $12 million ‘Scouse-o-dome’ in the heart of California to make Steven Gerrard feel at home.

ARSENAL goalkeeper David Ospina was trapped for months behind the transfer window, it has emerged.

STEVEN Gerrard has confirmed plans to take his scurrying skills to the US.

AFTER unsuccessfully resigning, Ally McCoist has admitted that he has no idea how he can stop being Rangers manager.

THE media is to cease reporting football results that, like Chelsea beating Hull, are entirely expected by everyone.