Sport

ROY Keane may go back to his previous role muttering threatening remarks at bus stops, it has emerged.

MARIO Balotelli has explained he swapped shirts with Real Madrid at half-time to go undercover and win the game for Liverpool.

MANCHESTER City captain Vincent Kompany has admitted his side was distracted against CSKA Moscow by the lack of abusive chanting.

SUNDERLAND players have paid to have fans' memories of their defeat by Southampton surgically deleted.

LIVERPOOL'S 3-2 victory against QPR only happened in striker Raheem Sterling's sleeping mind, the FA has confirmed.

LABOUR has unveiled plans for socialist football.

WELSH footballers are hoping to only just miss out on Euro 2016, it has emerged.

ENGLAND beat a depleted Estonia yesterday despite only having five decent players.

RUGBY union players live in constant fear of encountering their league counterparts, it has emerged.

WAYNE Rooney is the England squad's bitter and needy dad substitute, it has been confirmed.