subscribe
/ Sign Out

Racing driver named Britain’s greatest ever Lewis

LEWIS Hamilton has been recognised as the country’s number one Lewis of all time.

After winning the Formula 1 championship, the racing driver was officially acknowledged as being superior to either the actor Lewis Collins from the 80s action film Who Dares Wins or the fictional television detective Lewis as played by Kevin Whateley.

Lewis Hamilton said: “To all the people who said that Lewis was a slightly strange name that sounds more like a small seaside town than a person, suck it.

“To all the Lewises out there, you can have a super hot yoghurt-advertising girlfriend and a really fast car without changing your name to something more fashionable like Jack.”

The queen said: “Our nation has produced many great Lewises, although I cannot think of them right now.”

Dave Whelan invites Jewish friends over for sweet and sour pork

WIGAN Athletic owner Dave Whelan is to reach out to his many Jewish friends with a lavish pork banquet.

Responding to claims of anti-semitism and racism, Whelan has spent thousands on a vast array of dishes, which he revealed were all prepared by a ‘real, live Chinese person’.

He said: “We’ve got sweet and sour pork, crispy pork, spare ribs and pork wontons. Just like you would get from your local Chinese restaurant. No doubt run by a lovely Chinese family.”

He added: “I know my Jewish friends love Chinese food. Almost as much as they love a wide variety of other things.

“I’m going to invite them all over tonight, as soon as they get back from church.”

Next story ›