Sport

INCREASINGLY panicky sports editors have offered to stump up half the cost of any January football transfer deal.

SELF-STYLED African football fan Tom Logan has annoyed work colleagues by repeatedly making references to Equatorial Guinea.

FOLLOWING the weekend's giant-killing FA Cup wins, the Premier League has promised that next weekend's dwarf-crushings will continue as usual.

THE FA plans to tone down the romance of the FA Cup after a fan broke into Wembley Stadium and made love to the trophy.

SAIDO Berahino will not be leaving West Bromwich Albion under any circumstances except in exchange for a large sum of currency, it has been confirmed.

EVERTON midfielder Kevin Mirallas has damaged team mate Leighton Baines’s car after deciding to park it for him.

SCHOOL sports lessons are to move away from more ‘physical’ activities to focus on darts and snooker.

LIFE on earth would be less violent if everyone just sat down and watched the snooker, it has emerged.

SUNDERLAND manager Gustavo Poyet has learned the meaning of numbers like 32, three and a half, and 80,000, one day too late.

CRISTIANO Ronaldo has pledged to take free-kicks with a solid gold ball.