Politics

THE Conservatives have outlined their roadmap to the photo opportunity of Boris Johnson behind a bar pulling a pint that means this crisis is over.

TAXPAYERS are happy to fund the paint job on Boris Johnson’s plane as long as it is a picture of a large cock and balls. 

I’VE received a lot of attention for pointing out that ‘taking the knee’ was copied from Game Of Thrones. Here is my guide to where other civil rights protests stole their ideas from. 

COMPLETELY changed your mind in 24 hours, making transport secretary Grant Shapps look a dick again? Pretend you didn’t:

PREMIER League footballers, widely acknowledged as the worst people in society, are now more decent than the f**king government.

A GROUP of Neanderthal men milled uneasily around a mysterious monolith that appeared overnight in Parliament Square on Saturday.

DOMINIC Cummings, the chief adviser to the prime minister, is at your mum’s house and has announced he is your new step-father.

DETERMINED to have an opinion about Black Lives Matter protests but woefully ill-informed? Share these moronic opinions.

BORIS Johnson has condemned the ‘thugs’ who have ‘subverted’ Black Lives Matter protests as ‘no better than the mindless vandals of the Bullingdon Club’.

I TOTALLY got away with it. You thought I wouldn’t. You said I wouldn’t. You wrote big articles about how I wouldn’t. But guess what, f**kers? I did.