Politics

THE Labour party is hoping to woo voters and force an early election with its new campaign slogan ‘A non-dickhead option is now available’.

BRITAIN is on the verge of a general election and still fails to understand key issues. Are you one of Britain’s thick-as-pigshit voters?

BRITISH law now only applies to you if you ticked the box when you were filling in the form, it has emerged.

THE Government has announced it will break the law to do something it wants to do. When can you do the same?

DOWNING Street has confirmed that for every policy it is introducing the opposite policy so nobody knows what the f**k they are doing ever.

PRITI Patel has vowed to make failure to read the Daily Mail a terrorist act punishable with life in prison.

IF Jacob Rees-Mogg was not an MP he would be subjected to daily assaults by his co-workers and random people, experts have confirmed.

JUST for fun, let’s imagine Boris Johnson and Keir Starmer could physically kick the shit out of each other instead of having increasingly irate exchanges at Prime Minister's Questions.

EAT Out To Help Out’s success proves that Britain can be bought off with anything halfway free. Here’s what Rishi Sunak should try next.

AS personal trainer to the prime minister, I’m painstakingly logging his journey from obesity to good health. Here’s the story so far: