Politics

HELLO, I’m Michael Gove and/or Rishi Sunak, and I’d like to explain why it’s vital that you do/do not wear a mask while going in Pret.

THE government has launched its latest £100m advertising campaign for an abstract concept. But what the f**k is ‘Check, Change, Go’ about?

THE chancellor of the exchequer has been handing out freebies left, right and centre. But what are you bloody furious about because he’s not given you money off?

ENGLAND is considering selling off its most valuable possession to help pay for the impending economic crisis, it has emerged.

ARE you a Tory voter who can’t accept any criticism of the government no matter how poorly they perform? Here’s how to share your denialism.

IN the chancellor’s giveaway bonanza, Britons can eat out in August with the government footing the bill. There are, however, certain conditions in the small print.

THE prime minister has criticised care homes for not following coronavirus prevention procedures, much like a dickhead called Boris Johnson.

AS pubs reopen, Nigel Farage has got back to the daily grind of being photographed holding a pint and grinning like a twat.

SCIENTISTS have called for tests to locate those who still think Brexit is going to be great, so that they can be isolated from the rest of society.

DOMINIC Cummings has suggested detonating a nuclear device in Leicester city centre to surgically remove coronavirus from the Midlands.