Politics

WOULD you like to win a date with the UK’s shadow foreign secretary Priti Patel? Enter our unique competition for charity by answering these Priti-related questions. 

THE UK is slowly waking up to the fact that, in the face of an oncoming world catastrophe, it has chosen to put a d*ckhead in charge.

THERE'S always someone getting raked over the coals for exposing his penis in the news, so when is the right time to whip out the chinos cobra?

MI5 insiders have admitted withholding information from home secretary Priti Patel. What aren’t they telling her?

RESTRICTIONS on migrant workers could free up jobs for unemployed Leave voters. Here are some of the exciting opportunities on offer.  

OH NO, there’s dirty water lapping at the MDF of your flat-pack kitchen. Dear me, your dismal new-build hallway’s swimming in sh*t. Exactly why is that my problem?

BORIS Johnson and his grand vizier Dominic Cummings are hiring advisers who believe in eugenics and forced contraception. Are you unhinged enough to be one?

BRITAIN has a new Chancellor of the Exchequer, second only in power to the prime minister. But who is he? No f**king clue whatsoever. 

MICHAEL Gove has kept his position in the cabinet to punish Britain, Boris Johnson has confirmed. 

A MAN who wanted the UK to be rid of unelected decision-makers is into everything that Boris Johnson’s advisor says and does.