Politics

A SPEECH by Boris Johnson at a primary school has made a child want to follow in the footsteps of his new hero.

AN incredible prophet can see a week into the future of England by watching the news on BBC Scotland.

FORMER Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn has accepted a five-figure offer to teach Politics A-level at Stoke Newington Sixth Form College.

THE prime minister is holidaying in a remote cottage on the Scottish coast and keeping a mistress in a bell tent on the grounds. 

RECENTLY I’ve noticed columnists saying it’s wrong to appoint useless people to important jobs. As someone with a long history of incompetence, let me explain why they’re wrong.

WITH this nasty coronavirus business finally put to bed, Boris Johnson is taking a well-earned break from doing f**k all. Here’s how our lord and master will relax.

A MAN who is livid about the Conservatives’ handling of this year’s exams is definitely going to vote for them next time, he has confirmed.

OH FOR f**k’s sake. I had the press releases about betraying a generation of children ready to go. I’d rehearsed my anger. I was booked on breakfast TV.

EDUCATION secretary Gavin Williamson has reminded the nation that all he got was a BSc from the University of Bradford and look at him now. 

HI, Rishi fans. Everyone agrees I’m great but it looks like those pesky hard times have arrived. Sad face. Here’s how to make ends meet in the ongoing financial shitstorm.