Politics

WHEN Britain ruled the world, its colonial governors wore three-piece suits with top hats and watch chains in the height of Ceylonese summer. As we all should.

IT isn’t always the EU’s fault. Sometimes it’s Scotland, and in particular that ‘wee hag’ Nicola Sturgeon. Roy Hobbs explains why the SNP leader is destroying Britain:

THE prime minister has warned that a second wave of coronavirus could begin in two weeks with urgent action against it scheduled for three weeks later.

WELL done! It seemed unlikely at times, but you have survived one year with Boris Johnson as prime minister. Let’s see what you’ve been through.

ARE you a Leaver starting to think Brexit might be as bad as everyone said? Here’s how to blame Remainers for it.

BORIS Johnson claimed to have a Brexit deal that required no more effort than a Tesco Chicken Korma for One. Turned out to be bollocks. More like these:

A BLITHELY ignorant aristocratic f**khead has declared that the whole thing killing everyone will all be over by Christmas so no need to worry.

HELLO, I’m Michael Gove and/or Rishi Sunak, and I’d like to explain why it’s vital that you do/do not wear a mask while going in Pret.

THE government has launched its latest £100m advertising campaign for an abstract concept. But what the f**k is ‘Check, Change, Go’ about?

THE chancellor of the exchequer has been handing out freebies left, right and centre. But what are you bloody furious about because he’s not given you money off?