Society

BRITAIN’s cities are to be levelled and replaced with fancy flats for privileged idiots with rich parents.

ANYONE perpetrating April Fools' Day pranks can be legally murdered before midday, experts have confirmed.

MIMING the hand movements of DJing has finally overtaken air guitar solos.

A MAN has been deceived into thinking he is a professional chef by food websites and celebrity cookbooks.

SCIENTISTS have been unable to identify a single worthwhile reason for dropping litter.

PEOPLE with big letters strewn around their homes are illiterate morons, it has been confirmed.

RESEARCHERS have definitively proven that children aged 11-16 are in complete command of any bus they are on.

THE UK government has been overthrown by a liberal elite junta headed by Guardian columnist Polly Toynbee.

SHOWING initiative is a waste of time for the person who does it and those who have to live with the consequences.

MIDDLE-AGED couples are legally required to wear matching practical jackets to even the most inappropriate occasions, it has been confirmed.