Society

READERS of the Daily Mail have declared ISIS’s stance on crime and sex to be disappointingly soft.

INDIVIDUALS who claim to be enthusiastic actually just like hearing themselves speak.

A CREPUSCULAR forest wherein echoes the melancholic song of the nightingale is to become the UK’s first goth sanctuary.

THE search for a missing Maltesers egg has continued through the night.

GIVING up on owning property could lead to dangerous behaviour like reading books or being interested in world events, it has been claimed.

A WRITER has invented ‘the chillaxed mega-mum’.

CHURCHES are preparing a lukewarm Easter welcome for fickle Christians who turn up twice a year.

FAST food outlets in poorer areas must become a bit fancy, it has been confirmed.

HOUSEGUESTS should be greeted with the wi-fi password at maximum volume, according to new etiquette guidelines.

DOGS have confirmed that they are immune to pet food scares.