Society

NIGHTCLUB bouncers look hard simply because they are overweight, it has emerged.

A REGULAR Sun reader suspects the newspaper is using subliminal messages to try and influence his political views.

A MAN has been unable to locate the source of music playing on his computer.

BRITAIN’S train services are impossible to describe without an excrement comparison, it has emerged.

VICARS have informed wedding guests that throwing confetti on church ground means eternal damnation.

LECHEROUS builders who wolf-whistle at women must now behave similarly towards men.

ORDINARY Britons have demanded politicians stop being on the television.

BRITAIN’S economy has slowed after it realised it was living in a fantasy world.

BRITISH holidaymakers have been advised to steal a car rather than trying to rent one.

THE Guardian has condemned the middle-class gentrification of Brixton by its own readers.