Society

LOCAL drug dealer Tom Logan insists on using the word ‘yoghurts’ as a code for weed.

A LOCAL pub is apparently staging a beer festival by bringing in two additional ales.

PEOPLE who chose ridiculous email addresses before the internet properly caught on will be allowed to anonymously exchange them.

THE prime minister’s promise to give everyone "the dignity of a job" has confused Britons whose jobs are a humiliating parade of shame.

A MARRIED couple are sending each other flirtatious tweets, horrified onlookers have confirmed.

INEXPLICABLY popular assault course event Tough Mudder has introduced a new obstacle that involves having a conversation about non mud-based things.

THE UK’s ball pits must be accessible to drunk adults, according to new legal guidelines.

A HOMELESS man has returned a coffee that was given to him by someone exploiting Waitrose’s free drinks offer.

THE other foods in your fridge are all scared of the cheese, it has emerged.

USING language to express ideas is far too much trouble, it has been agreed.