Society

HOUSES are now worth so much they do not want people living in them and lowering their tone, they have announced.

A LINCOLN man has visited London to see the locations where all his favourite news bulletins are shot.

A 46-YEAR-OLD man is still plagued by a rumour from his school days that he French-kissed a rabbit.

TWITTER and Facebook users are hunting for a man who failed to turn a lost toy into a viral internet phenomenon.

SNIFFER dogs drafted in to tackle the Channel Tunnel migrant chaos are worried they are being ‘stitched up’ by David Cameron.

REVENUE & Customs has warned that all summer romances must begin by midnight.

COMMUTING from the Sea of Tranquility is now cheaper than renting a studio flat in Camden.

BOLLOCKINGLAND in Kent is the first theme park just for angry parents who want to publicly tell off their children.

A MOTHER-OF-TWO has expressed dismay at discovering she is a ‘real woman’ like in television adverts.

PC TOM Logan is determined to keep busting people for having tiny amounts of cannabis because he is a tosser.