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Septum rings ‘have the same timeless appeal as eyebrow piercings’

THE fashionable septum piercing will look cool forever much as eyebrow rings do, it has been claimed.

Stylist Nikki Hollis said: “Everyone got eyebrow rings in the 90s, and they still look as classy and original now as they did then.

“It’s not like everyone ditched them after three months apart from Australian trance DJs called ‘Chuckie Real’.

“In fact history shows us that piercings are never just a short-lived fad that soon becomes a source of embarrassment and infection to the wearer.

“Look at nipple rings. Another classic that totally transcend their era.”

19-year-old pierced nasal cartilage owner Mary Fisher said: “I’m septum ring till I die. Whatever the significance of it is, that’s significant to me.

“I like how it makes my head look like a grenade.”

Kids looking forward to carefree summer of being a massive burden

CHILDREN across the country are excited for a long, magical summer of being cared for by whoever is available.

As the school holidays begin, a whole generation is prepared for a formative season of visiting the same maritime museum four times with two sets of grandparents, just like in the stories.

Ten-year-old Tom Logan said: “Perhaps I’ll be sailing on a lake in a homemade raft, or meeting a mysterious boy who seems to live in a treehouse, or perhaps watching Flog It! in a darkened room with an 85-year-old.

“I asked Granny if me and my sister could go and wander around on railway tracks unsupervised, like in the film she made us watch, and she said that if we were good all week then on Friday she’d take us to Waitrose cafe.”

Children across the country are struggling to find life-shaping experiences from clowns in shopping centres, craft tables at libraries and three-hour trips to mum’s office to draw quietly with highlighters.

Mother-of-three Joanna Kramer said: “One summer is like a whole lifetime to a little kid being grudgingly looked after by obligated relatives in shifts.

“My little ones will learn to live, love and laugh together. From watching Spongebob.”

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