Society

PETS owned by hipsters have expressed anger at being given names that are either jokes or knowing cultural references.

THE man behind a ‘Straight Pride’ parade has conceded that any succession of floats, marching bands and costumed adults is going to look camp.

A WOMAN travelling in a train’s ‘quiet zone’ has declared the entire journey must be spent in a deathly, mausoleum-like silence.

ADULTERY websites lead to hassle, paranoia and sex with sad middle aged people who keep bursting into tears.

UNBEARABLY smug seaside twat haven Brighton is to ban ordinary people.

THE fashionable septum piercing will look cool forever much as eyebrow rings do, it has been claimed.

CHILDREN across the country are excited for a long, magical summer of being cared for by whoever is available.

A TEENAGER has taken the summer job which he will retire from in 2063.

AN AUTHENTICALLY working class area of London will be allowed to continue existing as a tourist attraction.

WEDDING guests have drawn a blank on why one of their number is wearing a kilt.