Crossrail tunnel already smells of urine

THE newly-completed Crossrail tunnel across London already carries a whiff of urine.

Workman Stephen Malley said: “Yesterday it was 26 miles of unspoilt, untouched concrete, like something from a Kraftwerk music video.

“We’ve arrived this morning and it stinks of piss. Also someone’s done a massive graffiti skull on one of the stairwells.

“And there’s a decaying Hovis loaf, some broken bottles and shitloads of rats.”

He added: “I hope to move out of London soon.”

Tom Booker of Slough said: “Great that it’s being properly urbanised, so I can continue to feel edgy while commuting to my job in publishing.

“I do hope they let them have a go at the trains too. I don’t buy a £2,500-a-year season ticket to sit on an unslashed seat.”

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Middle-aged British man reads right to end of Daily Mail story about Caitlyn Jenner

A 54 YEAR-old man from Hertfordshire has revealed he read an entire Daily Mail story about Caitlyn Jenner.

Martin Bishop admitted he began reading the story by accident but by the fourth paragraph found himself ‘quite engrossed’.

He said: “At first I was thinking ‘is this about what I think it’s about?’ but then I thought, ‘gosh, that is really something, isn’t it?’.

“By the time I was into the second half of the story I found myself glancing back at the photo and thinking, ‘well, that is quite remarkable… quite remarkable’.

“And by the time I got to the end I was thinking, ‘best of luck to you, Caitlyn, you’re some guy’. And then of course I corrected myself and felt rather ashamed at my ignorance.”

Bishop added: “I hope my story will inspire other 54 year-old men from Hertfordshire to admit to reading an entire article about Caitlyn Jenner.”

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