Relationships

A COUPLE whose daughter terrorises their home with screaming tantrums have congratulated themselves on raising an assertive, confident child.

LIFE is wonderful, according to the lying twats who raised you. But the bullshit claims they made about how great stuff were all false.

HAS your relationship petered out but you don’t know how to call it a day respectfully? Here’s how to break someone’s heart like a spineless loser.

TAKING an evening for romance? Unable to focus on a single screen? These romantic films are perfect to half-watch with your equally uninterested partner.

IF you have middle class parents who think they're a bit bohemian, rebelling can be hard. Here’s how to disappoint and worry your bourgeois mum and dad.

A MAN is selecting a gift of underwear for his girlfriend based entirely on how fit he finds the women modelling it.

A WOMAN was so impressed when a random stranger on Instagram told her she had a ‘nice arse’ that she has decided to marry him.

HAVING sex is largely irrelevant to the economy, so the government can impose restrictions without consequence. So we will.

A MAN blessed with excessive self-confidence has no idea that he has been dumped because of his awful personality.

TEENAGERS planning toe-curlingly awkward first dates with long-time crushes are thrilled that bowling alleys are open again.