Relationships

STRAWBERRIES and oysters are for poncey, continental types. Here gammon romance expert Roy Hobbs explains what gets a puce-faced Brexiter’s blood pumping even more.

STRUGGLING to find a polite way of letting your date know they absolutely won’t be getting laid tonight? Pull out any of these stock phrases.

MEN know what they’re not allowed to say anymore and don’t – unless they’re got chiselled jawlines and great hair, in which case they still come out with these.

TEENAGERS holidaying with their parents spend all day working out the fortnight-long lie they’ll tell their mates. Including these elements.

A WOMAN on a terrible date with a dickhead is secretly hoping she will be ghosted by him when it is over.

AFTER several years together, which of your partner’s once adorable quirks have developed into utterly unacceptable character flaws?

ARE you ready to turn straightforward sex into a logistical nightmare, all so you can boast about it to your mates? Here’s a guide to having an unforgettably unsatisfying night.

A MAN whose partner has just given birth to a whopping 10lb baby is boasting about it like it was some huge personal achievement.

DOES your girlfriend seem enthralled by your tale of a nil-nil draw? That’s because her mind is preoccupied with these things instead.

PROBLEMS in the bedroom? Write in for some advice from involuntary celibate Tom Logan who’s in a far worse situation than you.