Relationships

Six ways to unsuccessfully conceal your burning passion for a co-worker

DO you have strong feelings of love and sexual attraction for a colleague? Is it guaranteed to go absolutely f**king nowhere? Here’s how to bury your feelings deep in your broken heart.

Your penis is the perfect size, lies woman

A WOMAN has declared that her partner’s penis is neither too big nor too small, while averting her eyes at the last part.

How to f**k up your teacher's lesson about gender and sexuality: A pupil's guide

PUPILS at a school in East Sussex have discovered that hassling the teacher about transgender issues is more fun than work. Here’s how to bring any sex ed lesson to a standstill.

Six sex lessons that can only be taught by jaded dads

PARENTS dread talking to their kids about sex, but world-weary fathers have pearls of wisdom to share. Father-of-three Steve Malley explains.

Mother refers to son's boyfriend of 15 years as his 'friend'

A WOMAN in her 60s still refers to her son’s partner of a decade and a half as his ‘friend’, it has emerged.  

Man would gladly trade all his Father's Day presents for a single blowjob

A MAN who received the customary annual haul of disappointing presents would gladly swap them all for a single blowjob from his wife, it has emerged.

Date cancelled on grounds it is too hot to f**k

A WOMAN’S date has cancelled tonight’s planned rendezvous on the grounds that it is far too hot to f**k.

How to react when your son brings a gorgeous new girlfriend home: A guide for dads

HAS your son turned up with an absolutely stunning new girlfriend? Here's how to react without giving away the fact that you'd happily shag her yourself.

Man is boob man, bum man and if he's honest, fanny man

A MAN prefers not to rule out liking any specific bits of a woman, he has explained.

Woman likes everything about doggy-style except the name

A WOMAN feels the main drawback to the ‘doggy-style’ sexual position is how massively degrading its name is.