Lifestyle

ARRIVED at your university convinced every local is a thick failure like the twats from school? Reinforce your superiority from day one.

A TOWN’S Warhammer community has been plunged into mourning following news that one of their members is in a relationship.

A 35-YEAR-OLD who never moved out of his parents' house is pleased to see the economy confirm all his choices were the right ones.

THE only form of entertainment the UK can still afford to indulge in is wanking, masturbators have confirmed.

THE country is doomed. Your job, your house, your pension and everything you've ever worked for will soon be gone. Here's how to not think about it:

WERE you all set to have a lovely day until other human beings came along and bollocksed it up for you? Like these bastards.

WORRIED about your mortgage costing a f**king fortune? Follow this invaluable financial advice which homeowners were all too keen to dish out to young people.

JD WETHERSPOON is selling off 32 pubs due to rising costs, in a crushing blow to pissheads who practically live there. Here’s how to have some sort of life if your local Spoons closes.

GREETING someone can be an awkward affair, particularly if the process involves kissing. Here are six ways to f**k it up.

IT saddens me, an 86-year-old, that today’s kids will never know the sheer boredom that my generation suffered banging horse chestnuts together. They made me the man I am.