Lifestyle

WATCHING the pennies this Christmas? Here are some wonderful gifts you can get completely free by sneaking into your neighbour's garden at 1am.

THE thoughtful parents of a teenage boy have gifted him a brand new pair of socks to masturbate into this Christmas.

A TEENAGE boy is painfully desperate to escape the clutches of his caring, providing parents to see his shithead mates.

A MOTHER with an overly affectionate relationship with the family dog has presented everyone with gifts purportedly from him.

TRAGICALLY, I’m not in London for Christmas. Disappointing, but I’m duty-bound to visit my parents in their dreary village where there aren’t vibrant, characterful neighbours screaming at 2am.

A FAMILY with a low tolerance for nonsense is already packing up the Christmas tree and associated decorations.

THERE’S nothing worse than minding your own business in a shop and an assistant having the audacity to engage with you. Here’s how to deter them effectively.

A WOMAN is devastated about the untimely passing of the only pair of jeans that she has ever truly loved.

AN entrepreneurial middle-class couple have turned the gingerbread house they built with their children into an investment opportunity.

A FAMILY who gave in and put the central heating on are horrified to find their house remains too cold for habitation.