Lifestyle

THE country is doomed. Your job, your house, your pension and everything you've ever worked for will soon be gone. Here's how to not think about it:

WERE you all set to have a lovely day until other human beings came along and bollocksed it up for you? Like these bastards.

WORRIED about your mortgage costing a f**king fortune? Follow this invaluable financial advice which homeowners were all too keen to dish out to young people.

JD WETHERSPOON is selling off 32 pubs due to rising costs, in a crushing blow to pissheads who practically live there. Here’s how to have some sort of life if your local Spoons closes.

GREETING someone can be an awkward affair, particularly if the process involves kissing. Here are six ways to f**k it up.

IT saddens me, an 86-year-old, that today’s kids will never know the sheer boredom that my generation suffered banging horse chestnuts together. They made me the man I am.

A COUPLE are trying to remember how they spent weekends before they were entirely given over to the demands of their children.

DOING a ‘number two’ is an unavoidable bodily function. But sadly not all toilet trips can be relaxing moments of deep thought. Here are five particularly stressful shitting scenarios.

MOST of the time your face looks relatively normal, if unattractive. So why does it make these weird expressions in front of a camera?

HOME can be a confusing place for men, who find themselves surrounded by shit they cannot comprehend. Here, bewildered bloke Martin Bishop explains.