Lifestyle

A PAIR of unmoving, sexless lumps buried beneath multiple layers of blankets and clothing were once man and wife, it is believed.

GOING away this weekend? With people who earn way more than you? Survive the ordeal without losing face or going bankrupt.

BUDGET ranges sound like an excellent option in an economic crisis. Prepare for a rude awakening as you remember why you paid more for the better stuff in the first place.

IF you’re British it can be hard to juggle a demanding job with family life and constantly worrying about immigration. Here life coach Nikki Hollis explains how to make time for your unhealthy obsession.

WERE you accused of being gay for wearing the wrong trainers while the other lads rolled around wrestling each other? You might have done these things too, you bender.

SHOWING a friend a photo on your phone? You’re probably sweating bullets they don’t swipe through and see these shameful images…

YOUR towering obsession with sex as a teenager was only matched by the depth of your ignorance about it. This is the outlandish bollocks you believed.

THERE are vanishingly few places left to meet that don’t serve chai and falafel. Savour these while you can.

A WOMAN who has zero visibility through her windscreen is going to keep driving anyway, she has confirmed.

A MIDDLE-CLASS mother is getting that thrilling tingle which means her entire kitchen needs to be torn out and replaced.