Lifestyle

Six half-term activities to f**k your parents right off by abandoning halfway through

OFF school? Leveraging guilt to get your parents off their phones? These family activities will amuse you for ten minutes and occupy them for hours.

How they put a supermarket trolley back, and other subtle ways to tell if someone is a prick

DO they slot it neatly back in with the others or abandon it next to their car? Here's how antisocial habits can be used to identify life’s pricks.

Millennial having 'quarter-life crisis' can f**k off, say middle-aged people

PEOPLE who have experienced real existential angst about their age have told a young person facing a ‘quarter-life crisis’ to do one.

A boiling water tap, and other aspirational items that are actually shit

WHY have a kettle cluttering up your kitchen when you could have a boiling water tap that makes a truly dreadful cup of tea? And these minor status symbols are just as bad...

The 15 rules that apply to everyone except you

EVERYONE agrees that rules are essential to a functioning society. But that doesn’t mean you, obviously. You’re special, so you’re allowed to ignore the following rules.

14 ways your kids delay bedtime by dicking about

ARE your kids dicking about at bedtime for the 11,000th day in a row? This will be why.

How to punish the parents attending your child's birthday party

WANT to make your child’s birthday party an enormous pain in the arse? Here’s how.

Man who studied at University of Life got a 2:2

A MAN who claims to have studied at the University of Life did not pay very much attention to his studies, his friends have concluded.

Cannabis isn't addictive like other drugs, says man who's smoked weed every day for 15 years

A MAN who has been high every day for the past 15 years has explained that it is impossible to get addicted to marijuana.

Names for bread and other things Northerners are bloody obsessed with

NORTHERNERS are a proud race with strong opinions, unfortunately about things the rest of the nation couldn't give a shit about. Here are some of their hot button topics.