Lifestyle

YOUR towering obsession with sex as a teenager was only matched by the depth of your ignorance about it. This is the outlandish bollocks you believed.

THERE are vanishingly few places left to meet that don’t serve chai and falafel. Savour these while you can.

A WOMAN who has zero visibility through her windscreen is going to keep driving anyway, she has confirmed.

A MIDDLE-CLASS mother is getting that thrilling tingle which means her entire kitchen needs to be torn out and replaced.

LOOKING to get a quick read on whether you’ve just entered the home of an uncultivated dolt? Keep an eye out for these tell-tale signs.

WHILE we peasants go to the pub or watch TV for entertainment, posh people like to murder small, unarmed creatures. Here's what you need to know if you want to join the hunting set.

HAS your boyfriend pathetically tried to impress you with tales about his crazy years at uni? Here's how his claims match up with what actually happened.

ARE you stuck on a train, in a queue or a crowded cafe being subjected to the most tiresome conversational topics known to man? They might be one of these.

A DEALER has proclaimed that his cocaine is now proudly 100 per cent cocaine-free.

A WOMAN’s confidence in her bladder is so low she needs a safety wee before leaving the house for 45 seconds, she has confirmed.