International

THE politically-motivated killing of a controversial figure requires careful handling. Unfortunately Trump is president. Here are the woefully inappropriate ways he’ll react.

A CHAMPION of guns has been shot dead by a gun in the land of guns, and 4,000 miles away these British right-wing figureheads are making it all about them.

DIPLOMACY is tough. You need people who get on perfectly with their hosts while always putting your interests first. People who can fit in anywhere. People like Peter Mandelson.

DID you find great comfort this weekend in imagining president Trump was incapacitated or deceased? Why stop? Here’s how to always believe it.

THIS week Trump’s cabinet could be seen engaging in some blatant brown-nosing. It was sickening, but maybe some sycophancy would advance your career and personal interests too? Try this.

LIFE’S going okay for you here in Britain, so should you move to a hardline Islamic monarchy in the desert? We consider the pluses and the absolutely f**k nos.

IF Trump has somehow helped to bring peace to Ukraine you might be forced to reevaluate your view of him. If that happens, here’s how to remember he’s still a colossal dickhead.