Environment

OTTERS have returned to the UK's riverbanks and it's gonna be off the chain, it has emerged.  

DRUNKEN polar bears will be able to get piss-poor pints of Guinness in sub-zero theme pubs after proving their Irishness.

AN unlikely bond between an injured chick and an orang-utan has evolved into a sexual relationship, it emerged last night.

FISH are on the brink of surrender, it was confirmed last night.

A GREAT WHITE shark escaped with cuts and bruises after straying into coastal waters full of British drunks.

DAVID Cameron has pledged a full-scale inquiry as it emerged that British airspace is unable to deal with an enormous volcanic cloud for the second year in a row.

THE shake-up of Britain's rail system is to include a multi-million project to make all trains, stations and platforms pony compliant within four years.

RECORD spring temperatures across the UK have raised concerns that global warming might be a real thing after all.

CONSTABLES called to a nocturnal disturbance in Windermere found a group of men cheering two battling plesiosaurs, it has emerged.

THE government has abandoned plans to force trees off benefits and into work.