Environment

MILLIONS of Britons envisioning a long weekend relaxing and drinking outdoors have once again forgotten about f**king insects.

A MAN has explained to colleagues who claim to be suffering with hay fever that pollen is all in the mind.

I CANNOT thank the British public enough for their interest in my 100th birthday. To repay them, I shall host a special show about the incredible species I turned into souvenirs.

THE Royal Society for the Protection of Birds has urged Britain to ban filthy avian sex parties in the sanctity of their gardens.

THE clocks being brought forward by an hour over the weekend has resulted in daylight being ‘f**ked’, scientists have confirmed.

GAS is rising. Diesel’s already unaffordable. The time has come for me to install a 249ft wind turbine in the garden of my new build.

AN outbreak of decent weather has inspired truly heartbreaking levels of joy across the UK.