Environment

Trampolines magnificent in flight, agrees Britain

THERE are few sights more majestic to behold than the humble trampoline swooping and soaring high overhead, Britain has agreed.

The Met Office has asked the public to be on tornado watch. So I cannot work this morning

STORM Isha has devastated Britain. The whole country is under a weather alert and the public is on tornado watch. So, in all conscience, I cannot work.

Expensive German cars 'can probably drive straight through floods'

OWNERS of costly German cars confident they can handle a mere two feet of floodwater have been encouraged to test their belief.

Pine needles announce they're going f**king nowhere

THE pine needles that have dropped from your Christmas tree have confirmed you will still be finding them buried in the carpet years from now.

Woman dreaming of white Christmas that strands relatives

A WOMAN is hoping it snows over Christmas so that her extended family will be unable to travel and visit her, it has emerged.

COP28 celebrates historic fossil fuel agreement by setting fire to oil well

DELEGATES at COP28 have celebrated their decision to move away from fossil fuels by setting fire to an oil well, it has emerged.

Guardian reader concerned about Santa's carbon footprint

A GUARDIAN reader is deeply troubled by the environmental impact of Santa’s annual round-the-world trips.

Man forced to do half-arsed job at home due to Storm Ciarán

AN office worker has been forced to lazily send just two emails from home today due to Storm Ciarán.

What to do in a flood, like I give a shit. By Thérèse Coffey

STORM Ciarán is set to batter the UK, and as environment secretary I simply could not care less. Here’s my advice, but frankly it’s your problem so piss off.

15-minute cities rebranded 'It-was-better-in-my-day' towns to appeal to gammons

THE concept of ‘15-minute cities’ is being given a new name to appeal to people with an insufferably rose-tinted view of the past.