Environment

BRITAIN'S relatively pleasant winter weather has taught absolutely nothing to an idle grasshopper that ignored the advice of an industrious ant.

THIRTY-FOUR participants in television rutting event Take Me Out have been killed by ITV rangers after escaping from their secure backstage enclosure.

CLAIMS that Britain's green energy revolution will cost consumers thousands of pounds have been dismissed by people who believe it is going to be windy.

THE scientist who discovered how large birds achieve erection has urged his colleagues not to name it after him.

TWO giant pandas were very drunk within 15 minutes of arriving in Scotland, it has emerged.

THE BBC gave penguins shots of whisky so they would act-up for the cameras, it has emerged.

BRITAIN'S bees are to be privatised in a bid to reverse their decline.

THERE are still wasps, everyone told everyone else this morning.

THIS year's autumn leaves are looking amazing if that's the kind of thing you're into.

THE public has been warned to keep away from farmers after a yoghurt fan was shot while asking a Welsh herdsman to 'bust some rhymes'.