Environment

AN oaf who makes no difference to anything was last night targeted by some hippies with no boyfriends.

FOUL-tempered old women with massively thick limbs are to be installed in British homes in a government move to limit food wastage.

THE Earth can be saved from the damaging effects of climate change with a series of contraptions built by Wilf Lunn, it has been claimed.

A NEW strain of genetically modified wheat can strangle crows and then harvest itself into a bowl of Cheerios, the environment secretary Hilary Benn has claimed.

GLOBAL warming has caused an acceleration in evolution that should see the world overrun by 20ft mice within 10 years, scientists said last night.

FANS of a radio station broadcasting birdsong have attacked plans to play urban-themed 'Tweethop' music in which some of Britain favourite species rap about killing the police.

BRITAIN'S small band of pork flu survivors can look forward to a hot, dry summer, the Met Office confirmed last night.

TANK tops, everyday racial abuse and Larry Grayson could all help tackle climate change, according to a report urging a return to 1970s lifestyles. 

THE RSPB surprised conservationists last night by calling for the immediate construction of a UK-wide network of gigantic bird mincers.

THE ball-wrenching tediousness of climate change pundits is worse than previously thought, it has been claimed.