Environment

MALE prisoners are to return to the predatory sexual hell of communal showers, in a bid to help the government reduce CO2.

ALL new homes will be made from boiled sweets and smell of piss and chopped pork, to ensure they are suitable for the elderly, the government said last night. 

BRITISH insurance companies could scupper the government's house building plans after refusing to cover homes made from beaten egg whites.

CLIMATE change will transform the south east of England into a steaming jungle filled with giant snakes and marauding tribes of blood-thirsty cannibals, scientists have predicted.

BRITAIN is to build a new generation of nuclear power stations after consumers said their love of dishwashers outweighed their fear of cancer and four-headed babies. 

THIS year has been the best smelling since global smell records began, the United Nations confirmed last night. 

THE government has unveiled ambitious plans to end Britain's dependence on foreign wind by 2020.

GORDON Brown has escalated the war on climate change after branding the plastic bag, 'the carrier of choice' for Al Qaeda and paedophiles.

MOST people are ready to tell enormous lies about the personal sacrifices they will make to halt climate change, the latest Daily Mash poll reveals.

SHOPPERS in the village of Minchinhamptonsteadbury have been forced to throw their goods home after a total ban on bags.