Celebrity

ARE you hopelessly besotted with TV historian Lucy Worsley? It’s never going to work out, so here is a guide to coping and maybe one day moving on.

CAREER flagging? Why not get yourself in the headlines by being cancelled, like I did?

THE media has demanded that the Duke of Sussex be moved from sixth in line to the throne to 110,001th, behind the Duke of Walford.

WANT to live a quiet life? Retiring wallflowers the Duke and Duchess of Sussex give their tips on how to successfully stay out of the public eye.

EXPLAINING to a baby that, as a second division member of the Royal Family, his life will be gilded and purposeless isn’t easy. Here’s the advice I’ll give him.

BRITONS queueing for vaccines are livid that the less-deserving are jumping the queue while they sit at home waiting for letters like idiots. Who are you most angry about?

THE Queen is strictly neutral on all matters political, except for when she chooses not to be. Here are five of the thousand laws Her Majesty has vetted for parliament.

THE Duchess of Cambridge has confessed she is exhausted by parenting under lockdown. Here is her average day.

AN ardent Brexiter is appalled by what an absolute disaster Megxit has turned out to be.

THE sentence ‘Gwyneth fanny candle explosion’ is one that makes perfect sense to people in the dystopia of 2021.