Celebrity

THE Duchess of Cambridge has warned Britain not to bother waiting for photos of her new nephew because he is ‘bang average’. 

ARE you desperate to know every last detail about someone else’s baby? Read our slightly creepy guide.

THE Duchess of Sussex has surprised the media by calling a press conference then whipping a cushion out from under her jumper.

DO you want a ‘personal brand’ like the Kardashians or various twats on YouTube? Here’s how to engage in endless tedious self-promotion instead of doing something worthwhile.

PRINCE Harry has warned young people that social media is more addictive than illegal drugs without anything close to the same payoff.

TROUBLED fashion chain LK Bennett is to be saved by being taken into public ownership because the Duchess of Cambridge likes it.

WOULD you like to be paid a fortune just for being an appalling twat all the time? Here Piers Morgan gives his priceless advice.

THE Queen is believed to be outraged at Meghan’s £300,000 baby shower, from beneath her jewelled crown in one of her many palaces.

THE Duchess of Sussex is under fire after enjoying a night out with Serena Williams, Jessica Mulroney, and ISIS bride Shamima Begum.

A RETIRED father has confirmed that he is still not entirely clear on whether David Bowie liked girls or not.