Celebrity

A 47-YEAR-OLD man still has the same top five celebrity shag list as when he was a young man, it has emerged.

WITH the passing of US singer Meat Loaf, a mourning public may never discover the meaning behind his cryptic lyrics.

BOLLOCKS. I seem to have £2 million in unpaid debts and now people are hassling me for their money. Here are some things I probably shouldn’t have blown the cash on.

LOSING your patronages? Losing your military titles? No more HRH? Well who’s the Royal outcast now, motherf**ker? 

A RARE opportunity to buy this exclusive Swiss ski chalet has come up. Sale forced due to necessity of settling civil case. One careless, entitled owner. 

THE Duchess of Cambridge celebrates her 40th birthday on Sunday, and our grateful nation is wondering if now is the time to replace her.

HAVING pioneered moves like ‘I don’t sweat’ and ‘she lives in Australia’, the legal world is agog to see what genius loophole the innocent Prince Andrew will exploit next.

THE UK has enjoyed a memorable Christmas, with the exception of the hundreds of thousands self-isolating and the Queen’s second son.

THE Duchess of Cambridge is to clumsily play Chopsticks on the piano at Westminster Abbey tonight, it has been confirmed.

TABLOIDS love a story about a former pop star in reduced circumstances. But it wouldn’t be the least surprising to see these fronting up the loo roll.